God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.
It is all so serious right now.
Lives hang in the balance, loves lost and nearly lost, relationships broken.
So, when I wake alone at 3:45 with this poem cycling through my head, wondering if anything will ever feel right again, I remember that letting everything happen as it happens is an invitation to surrender and to embrace life--to be present to the real experiences all around me. I recognize that beauty and terror are consequences and riches. They are invitations to a deeper relationship with my God who dances in the shadows-- those that I find and those that I cast. It is God who works with the fear and who doesn't want to be lost in the chaos... it is God who reminds me that feelings are not ultimate or final.
In this uncertain early morning I think on these things and I am almost reassured.